


Lenny's Hospital Visit

by SquiggyGirl



Series: Inspired by Three's Company [1]
Category: Laverne & Shirley (TV)
Genre: Awkward & Embarrassing situations, F/M, Tattoos, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:07:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29319120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquiggyGirl/pseuds/SquiggyGirl
Summary: It is no secret that Lenny is in love with Laverne.  He and the guys are at a bachelor party one night and Lenny passes out drunk.  The boys, as a joke draws on a tattoo on his rear end.... (think of the situation on 3's company episode "Jack's Tattoo")  Only someone in the group decides to make the tat permanent.   Well ....  he goes to the local hospital to have it removed and who is the vision of loveliness who acts as his "nurse"  much to both of their surprise....
Relationships: Laverne DeFazio & Lenny Kosnowski
Series: Inspired by Three's Company [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2164761
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1
Collections: 3's company episodes as done by L and S





	1. Chapter 1

Lenny groaned as he woke up. He had the worst hangover of his life. He just wanted to die.

"Len will you shaddup" Squiggy said from his bottom bunk.

"I aint' doin anything" Lenny replied.

"You're makin' noises." Squiggy complained.

Lenny turned over onto his back and let out a piercing scream.

"LENNY! SHUT UP! Do you wanna wake up the dead with that scream?!" Squiggy said.

"What the hell is on my ass Squig?"

Squiggy rolled his eyes. "Do ya really want an answer to that?"

Suddenly they heard the girls yelling up through the dumb waiter. "Is everything ok up there boys?" the concerned voice of Shirley Feeney asked.

The boys looked at each other. "Yea - uh fine" Squiggy said. "Len stepped on something up here and it hurt."

Lenny hopped down from his bunk and went to the bathroom to figure out why his ass hurt so much.

He let out a scream again, but this time he covered his mouth with his hand. "I'VE BEEN TATTOOED!" he said.

Carmine Ragusa, the boys' friend and neighbor barged in. "What the hell is going on boys! I have a severe hangover from last night and I don't' enjoy being woken up by screams" 

"Lenny was tattooed." Squiggy said.

"Yea so what? It washes of Len don't be such a baby"

"It doesn't wash off Carmine.... It is real."

Carmine and Squiggy turned pale as ghosts.... they looked at Lenny who didn't know if he wanted to scream in pain or cry in despair.... 

All they knew was they had to explain to Lenny why he had a tattoo on his rear. HE didn't know what the tat said yet....

He looked closer in the mirror....

"Lenny Kosnowski Loves Laverne DeFazio"


	2. Chapter 2

Lenny looked at Carmine and then to Squiggy. "Who did this?" he demanded.

Neither Carmine nor Squiggy responded. 

"I am permanently maimed you guys! Who did this to me!"

"I-It started out as a joke. I mean you were passed out drunk Len. We uh... decided to jokingly draw on the tattoo. That is what we did. " Squiggy said.

"YOU did it Squig not me. It was YOUR idea." Carmine told him.

"I didn't make it permanent though. That was somebody else."

"Somebody took me to a tattoo parlor and maimed me for life?" Lenny said angrily.

"The tattooist was at the party. It was completely sterile." Squiggy said.

"I'm never gonna forgive you for this! How am I going to go through life with that on my ass! Questions will arise when i'm with other girls!" he said.

Carmine and Squiggy looked chagrined. They had no rebuttal to what they did.

"I have an idea Len, I uh know as doctor that can um cover it up." he said.

"Yah but that costs money!"

"Don't worry about the cost." Carmine told him. "It will be taken care of discretely.

Lenny sighed. "The girls must NEVER know about this" he said and looked at both Squiggy and Carmine. 

"We won't say a word. RIGHT Squig.." Carmine said and gave Squiggy a look.

Squiggy nodded. "I ain't saying a word about it no way!" he said.

"I'll make a few calls and set it up." Carmine said and left the apartment.

"I'll have a shower and try not to wince in pain." Lenny said and slammed the bathroom door.


	3. Chapter 3

Meanwhile.... in the girls apartment.

"Are you ready Shirl?" asked Laverne. "We're going to be late for our shift at the hospital." 

"Oh calm down Laverne. I'm almost ready. I mean are you that desperate?" Shirley said with a smirk.

"No, but since Jerry and I didn't work out, I am still looking for a guy." she said.

Shirley sighed. "I wonder why Lenny was screaming so loudly earlier."

Laverne shrugged. "They got in very late last night. I heard all three of them walking or rather thumping up the stairs. I swear the word "quiet" isn't in their vocabulary.

Shirley laughed. "Ok Laverne. I will drive. Let's go." she said.

They got into their car and drove off narrowly missing seeing the boys drive off in their beer truck. Squiggy and Carmine were dropping Lenny off at the hospital. Well they were dropping him off and then they were going to find a place to park the truck and then go back to him. Carmine had to be there with Lenny as he was the one who made the arrangements. Squiggy was insistent on going because he felt so guilty for being a part of the tattooing. 

Lenny sat in the waiting area of the hospital when Laverne and Shirley walked in. Neither of the girls saw him. A few moments later Carmine and Squiggy entered the hospital making a heck of a racket.

"Boys what are you doing here? This is a hospital?" Shirley said.

"Oh nothing. I uh just wanted to check out some nurses." Squiggy said and made eyes at a random nurse who rolled her eyes and walked away.

The doctor, who was identified as Doctor Hawthorne, came out of the back area. "Lenny Kosnowski?" he called. "We're ready for you now"

Laverne and Shirley looked at the doctor then at Lenny. "Len, why is a plastic surgeon saying 'we're ready for you?" 

Lenny didn't know if he wanted to laugh or cry at this point he was too embarrassed to to anything.

"Ladies, just go about your rounds..." the doctor said as he exchanged looks with Carmine.

The girls gave the boys a confused look but went on their way do do what they were supposed to do on their list. Shirley had to deal with the children's ward that night - reading stories to a bunch of 4 year olds in the 'kiddie' room. And Laverne was shadowing doctors and nurses on their various rounds of patients getting ready for surgery. Laverne looked on her list of Doctors to follow. Doctor Hawthorne was on her list....


	4. Chapter 4

Lenny followed Doctor Hawthorne to a room. "Boys please stay outside the room while the patient gets into his hospital gown." he told them.

"OK." Squiggy said.

"We better make ourselves scarce for now. The girls will be coming to look for us wondering what is going on" Carmine said. "I don't want to explain this." 

"No that's true." Squiggy said. "I'll go seek out a nurse."

Carmine went to the cafeteria for the time being. He knew that he had to meet Doctor Hawthorne regarding payment before the surgery but Carmine wanted Lenny to be settled in his room before he approached the doctor.

"Is this your first tattoo?" Doctor Hawthorne asked. 

Lenny gave him a glare. "Ya doc. My first one and last!" he growled.

"Let's see it." 

"Do ya have to?"

"Do you want it to be removed or not?"

"Yes I do!" he exclaimed.

 _"Lenny Kosnowski Loves Laverne DeFazio"_ the doc read aloud.

"Laverne DeFazio eh... I know that girl. Her dad owns the Pizza Bowl" he said with a grin.

Lenny blushed. "I've known her ever since I was 11. I've had a crush on her ever since i met her." he said dreamily.

The doctor gave him a knowing look. "I understand. What made you get the tattoo anyway?"

"My so-called friends did it. It wasn't my idea"

"You were drunk it take it?"

"Yea, it was a friend's bachelor party. I don't' usually get that trashed where I pass out."

The doctor looked at Lenny. "I was at that same party. I didn't drink but I was there."

"You were there, but you're like old." he said.

"I'm 36" the doctor said. "Somebody spiked a bunch of drinks"

"Ok so my drink was spiked. Can we please not talk about this anymore. I just want to get this over with and done." Lenny said. "and never speak of this again.

"And not let Laverne find out" added the doctor.

"NEVER" he replied.

Just then Laverne and a nurse with a needle walked in. At this point, The doctor had lifted the bedsheet and was looking more carefully at the tattoo possibly planning the strategy on the skin graft. Both the nurse and Laverne looked at each other then at the tattoo and Laverne let out a squeal and Lenny.... Lenny had covered his face with the sheet. His worst nightmare came true.....


	5. Chapter 5

"Len?" Laverne asked.

Lenny groaned in embarrassment. 

"You don't have to be embarrassed Lenny." Laverne told him.

"Ms. DeFazio can you please step away from him." the nurse said.

Laverne looked at the nurse. "What are you going to do to him?"

"This needle will ease his pain." she replied.

"Will it erase my humiliation too?" he asked.

The nurse chuckled. "Hardly" she said.

"Um nurse can you please come back in a couple of minutes. I want to speak with the patient."  
The nurse exchanged looks with the doctor and nodded.

Laverne and Lenny were left alone. She pulled down his sheets away from his face. She was a little afraid he would suffocate. "Len stop hidin' "

"I'm so embarrassed Laverne, I-I geez I can't even face you." he said and looked away.

"Don't be embarrassed Lenny. I find it flattering." she said and smiled at him.

He looked at her his blue eyes serious. "F-flattering. I have a tat on my ass that pledges my love for you.... how is that flattering?"

"Len, you're a really sweet guy. whether your tat is on your ass or arm - the fact that it says what it says is flattering."

"Carmine and Squiggy were behind it." he said.

"Oh really?" Laverne said.

"Yea. they evidently drew it on as a joke and someone tattooed it for real. The doctor was there too and said somebody spiked the drinks. He didn't drink but he supposedly saw someone do it.... he didn't drink so he's fine to operate. "

"I never wanted you to know about this." he admitted.

"Why not?"

"It's on my ass Laverne." 

The doctor & nurse interrupted him and the nurse injected him with the pain killer and another one that made him numb from the waist down. He would be awake for the surgery but unable to feel anything. 

"We'll be back a little later. it takes time for this to take effect." said the nurse. "Laverne you need to tend to your rounds."

Fifteen minutes later Shirley was walking down the hall and looked into a random room. "Lenny?"

She opened the door to Lenny's room and he was sitting there looking wacked out. "Wuzz up Shirl?" he asked her.

"Um whatcha doing in this hospital room Len?"

"I dunno. prob'ly trolin' for chicks" he said. "Squiggy and Carmine drove me here."

Shirley looked as if she wanted to maim the other two. "Let's get you out of this bed Len."

"Sure." he said.

Shirley pulled back the sheet and helped Lenny to a sitting position and with his feet dangling from the bed. Then she helped him to his feet. 

"You're a little wobbly there Len, are you still drunk"

"Nope. pain killers" he said and giggled.

"Ugh" she said and rolled her eyes wondering exactly what he was getting at.

She got him to his feet and he stared at her. "Where are you taking me?"

"Len, we're getting you out of here." she told him. "You don't need to be here."

"Shirley what are you doing?" asked a voice.

It was Carmine and Squiggy.

"YOU! what the heck did you do to Lenny here?"

"Shirley, would you please let the man get back in bed. He's already embarrassed enough." Squiggy said.

Shirley looked at Lenny who nodded.

"What is going on here?" Shirley demanded looking from Carmine to Squiggy and then to Lenny.

"I'll show ya" he said and mooned her - showing her the tattoo.

Shirley passed out.


	6. Chapter 6

They managed to wake Shirley up and move her out of the way so they could get Lenny repositioned in his bed. Shirley was still very confused.

"What in the world is going on here? Why does Lenny have a tattoo on his butt that says..."she began. Carmine put his hand over her mouth. "We know what it says Shirl." he said. "Please. You don't have to remind us." 

Shirley and Laverne glared at the boys. "Ok, talk. We deserve answers!" Laverne said and looked from Squiggy to Carmine.

They sighed. "It was like this......................" began Carmine.

_"I just wanna get over Laverne. She ain't gonna want to get with me ever." Lenny whined._   
_"You gotta romance her." Squiggy said. "Here's a drink."_   
_"You don't get it Squig. Laverne is the one i've been savin' myself for"_   
_"You mean..." said Carmine. "You've never..."_   
_Lenny shook his head. "Nope. I want Vernie. She's the one who gets my juice's flowing if you catch my drift."_   
_Carmine nodded to one of the others in the room. "Let's get him liquered up and pants him and tattoo him with marker" Carmine said giggling._   
_"You sure about this Carmine. I mean. I don't really..." Squiggy began._   
_"We can tattoo you with Francine's name on your ass. Everyone knows how sweet you are on that chick."_   
_"I - shut up! She's in Chicago. She ain't even here."_   
_"But you're sweet on Laverne "Vernie" DeFazio" Carmine said to Lenny, changing the subject back to Lenny/Laverne._   
_"Yea. That sweet awesome girl I've had it for since I was 11" Lenny said. "but she ain't gonna give me nothin._   
_"He's passed out.... Let's do it" Squiggy said and nodded to Carmine and a few others._   
_They pull down Lenny's pants and draw on "Lenny Kosnowski Loves Laverne DeFazio." They leave him with his pants at his ankles so the ink dried and passed out themselves. Soon Joey, the tattoo artist sees the bare bottom of one Lenny Kosnowski and makes the job permanent._   
_2 hours later, Lenny, Squiggy and Carmine, are driven home by somebody and taken up to their respective apartments_   
_Lenny awakens in excruciating pain wondering why....in the process he wakes up Carmine and Squiggy._

Lenny glares at his _friends_ "Some friends you are." he said.

"It's time for the patient to be wheeled into the OR" the doctor said. By this time, Lenny is very mellow and can't feel anything below the waist. The doctor and his assistants lifted him up onto the gurney and he gets wheeled into the OR. The operation takes about an hour or so including recovery.

When Lenny woke up, he looked into the loving face of Laverne.

"Hi" she said.

"Hi" he said softly.

"How are you feeling??" she asked.

"Sore and still embarrassed about the entire ordeal. Evidently I mooned not only Shirley but anyone who happened to walk by the room.

Laverne chuckled. "Not many people walked by Len, you're safe that way. As I said before you don't have to be embarrassed." 

"You're never gonna go for a guy like me." he said.

"Why not?"

"You've gone out with classier and more educated guys than me before Laverne"

"Ya wanna know a secret Len?"

"Sure"

"I've been savin' myself for you." she said. "I know nothin' can happen here in the hospital for obvious reasons but ... wait til we get back home...."

Lenny felt himself get hard.

"Len?"

Lenny looked at her and nodded. "Yup it's happened - um the feeling below the waist came back."

Laverne tiptoed to the door and locked it.

"We CANNOT actually do anything you know. but we can certainly go through the motions. I will be fully clothed and I will um lets say release the _tension_ down there." 

Lenny blushed.

Laverne got on the bed and strattled him. All that separated them was the sheet. She rocked him back and forth and they did their darnedest to keep in all moans as they have to remember it is a hospital. Luckily it was just a quickie til Lenny was able to relax. She got off him and she was feeling rather _hot and bothered_ "Len, you owe me one. You've got me super horny" she said.

He managed to sit up in his bed. "Laverne, I will repay you in the most amazing way I can muster up. Once I get out of this joint."

"Doc says you can go home at 3." she said. "I'll be waitin' in my apartment. Shirley will be elsewhere"

Lenny managed to make a squeaking sound before he bit his wrist to calm himself.


	7. Chapter 7

Squiggy drove Lenny back home and both boys were quiet. Lenny hadn't told him what Laverne had said to him while he was still in the hospital. Before he was released Laverne had called him and spoke to him and told him to come right to her apartment when he got home.

"Where are you going Len. Our apartment is upstairs." Squiggy said.

"I'm going to see Laverne"

Squiggy raised and eyebrow and wanted to say something but shook his head and went up to his apartment. "See you later Romeo" was all he said.

Nervously Lenny went down the stairs to Laverne's apartment. He knocked on the door.

Laverne answered it wearing a see-through nightie. Lenny bit his palm.

"L-Laverne you- are beautiful" he stammered.

She looked into his blue eyes. "Len, let's take it to the bedroom." 

He tripped over his own feet.

By the time Lenny had got to his feet, Laverne was already in her bed, her nightie discarded.

"A-are you sure about this Vernie." he said.

"Yes" she said and produced a condom.

Lenny quickly stripped and got into bed with her. Nervously he put the condom on and they started by making out. it started with gentle kisses then when she realized she was about to orgasm she called out his name "LENNY NOW!" and he did. They actually made her bed shake. They were both lucky there was nobody living below them. 

Afterwards they got out of bed and went to the living room. UNFORTUNATELY..... They walked in on Shirley and Squiggy going at it on the couch. Evidently they had gotten there not long ago and by then Lenny and Laverne had finished and were cuddling and since Squiggy and Shirley weren't loud... nobody expected it.......


End file.
